Cable... the final frontier.

Well, to be completely honest, "lack of cable".

We only got cable about five years ago, mostly for the high-speed internet connection. For a couple of years, in fact, we kept our satellite as the main television connection, with a redundant cable connection just sitting there...

Fast forward to two years ago, when we decided to "bundle" our communications, thus "saving" money. Comcast had been advertising the $99 triple-play quite heavily, and we were paying them nearly that much for just tv and internet. Ok, so the advertised deal only applied to new customers... fair enough, we haven't really ever met a company that valued existing customers until it was too late to retain them. With some discussion and finagling, we had our package. $113 a month would leave our movie channels (that we don't watch, but somehow positively affected the price), DVR, internet with "power boost" (no idea what that is... I think it's code for "does not work in the rain"), and add the phone with the usual bells and whistles. Nifty.

Last year, at some point, I noticed our bill had gone up to $130-something. Uh... huh? So The Husband called and discussed this with them. Alas, there was nothing to be done. That's the new rate, yadda, yadda. Fine. Whatever.

Late last year, the bill went to $140 and some change. Ooookaaaay? This raised an eyebrow and we began discussing our options. We're a bit hemmed in by having email addresses tied to our internet provider, do we reallly want to dump them?

Last month, I opened our statement to discover I had inadvertently paid the wrong amount for April. I had (gasp) only paid $140 and change. Oh, no, though, the NEW IMPROVED rate for April was... $189!! WHAT?!?! Ok, now that we have had very positive feedback from friends who have switched over to the new digital over-the-air programming (read: free, and many more channels than one would think), we are perfectly happy to kick Comcast to the proverbial curb, man up about the email address change, and switch the phone back to Verizon to provide nothing more than a dialtone and free access for telemarketers to call us.

(Note to actual people who call us on our house phone: speak up when leaving your message. Yes, we probably ARE screening, what with the dearth of caller-ID. Or, you know, just call the mobile.)

This morning, The Husband comes home from work and, in a moment of what has to be temporary insanity, opens the newly delivered Comcast bill. WHICH IS FOR $216!!! After he recovered from that mini stroke, he called to cancel our service. Because, let's face it, our cable bill has now increased $103 over the course of a year and these people are clearly high, or having some delusions of grandeur, or completely insane, or, my first inclination, high. Right?

So, The Husband gets on the phone with The Woman at Comcast, and she apparently starts quizzing him on what we hope to gain in our television enjoyment by watching free... and he actually engages in this conversation. Finally, he stands firm and tells her we're canceling and, guess what? There's a FEE for that. Yes, that is correct. Evidently, we are now financially responsible for their crap on the pole (which is on the pole whether we exist or not, and was connected to our house ten years ago when we moved in).

Ok, Comcast, try and collect it.

Oh, and the greastest irony (because I enjoy irony probably more than the next guy) is the line item in our bundled services price (which does not include any of said services, but is simply $33 for the pleasure of having our communications all go through them): "Rate lock guarantee".

Come Wednesday, when the DSL is installed, we will have a new guaranteed Comcast rate locked in - it will be $0. Good luck paying for your collective crack habit, Comcast.